i peer out of a half open eye, a set of teeth above me. my 5 yr old grinning.
'mummy mummy, wake up and smell the day!'
i haul myself out of bed slowly.....early.....my last morning feed for my 5 month old baby, boofa. the plan is simple: leave the light off. feed him. put him back to bed. quietly slip back to my bed and get a few more zzz in. easy....
as i am feeding my big boofa, i hear and feel a long wet poo-like vibration. yes. boofa has filled his daks. ok plan not going to plan. i decide to take a new tact. i will change his nappy with the light off so as not to wake boofa too much and then continue on with said plan. i begin, bleary eyed, to change boofa's nappy in the dark. i now hear and feel a long wet poo-like vibration. yes. i cannot see it, only feel it running down my thigh. hmmm. plan definitely not going to plan.
light on. boofa is now awake. boofa bare bummed. i am covered in poo. boofa is covered in poo. my bed is covered in poo.
goodbye sleep. hello morning.
morning survived. school run finished. now to take my 2 yr old noobles and baby boofa to the park. a nice way to get the kids out of the house so i can keep it clean. easy. it is going well. noobles is making friends. boofa is happily sleeping in the pram. after the early morning - things are looking up. i look up. noobles is standing at the top the slippery dip. standing very still. kids are pointing. pointing at her and......pointing at the slippery dip. i walk over and see it. smeared down the slippery dip is a long artistic skid of poo. oh. i wonder which parent has failed to toilet train their kid properly. and thats when i notice. yes. it is noobles. she has had an accident of the runniest kind. all over her legs. her hands. all over her shorts. her shoes. the slippery dip. the fort. the ladder.
and parents around me are all thinking whose kid is that. i drag her down. pull off her clothes in the middle of the lunch time throng. shove her under the cold tap and scrape the poo off her. it is on my arms. my hands. my shoes. i drag her bare-bummed back to sleeping boofa. i grab my stuff, my baby, my bawling noobles and bypass the shitty fort and all the horrified parents. yes. i leave the piles of poo. i shun the shit-smeared slide. i bypass the faeces-filled fort. then it starts to rain. thank god. i don't have to feel so bad. i'm sure the rain will eventually wash it away.
i am awake
i am smelling the day